Worst movies/TV shows that never existed
- Thread starter West234
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I could see that airing during their earlier years.....ya'know, when the network was in it's "let's be as manly and offensive as possible" phase in their first few years before they somewhat got their act together during the Get More Action era of the network.
Hell, I could even see G4 airing the show....
oh..........
Yes, Stabbed in the Butt is a reference to that cutaway gag in the Family Guy episode Bigfat (Season 11 episode 17).
The funny thing is, I wasn't even trying to be cheeky on purpose about it.
And that was the idea behind it. An absurd sendup of game shows a la Joe Schmo Show with a touch of World's Worst Tenants.
Kiepski Film (Bad Movie), 2020
For those unaware, Świat Według Kiepskich (World according to the Bads, the term ,,Kiepski" litteraly means ,,bad" as in ,,bad, cheap shoes" or ,,lazy worker") is a Polish Classic - it was a comedy, but it helped raise awareness of real issues in Polish Society at the time, even though they were exaggerated. Domestic Violence, Joblessness, Jobs with no Upward growth, Alcoholism, Lack of family support for youths - all of them were tackles in some ways, according to the old Polish Maxim of ,,Przyjemne i użyteczne" (Useful and Entertaining, roughly).
And so, of course, Netflix had to ruin it.
The Plans for the movie already hit a roadblock early on - Many major actors were either dead (Bohdań Smoleń, the actor behind important side character Postman Ed) or unwilling to star in the Movie (most importantly Ryszard Kotys, who played Paździoch - the most important character outside of the actual Kiepski family, as well as Andrzej Grabowski - the famous actor responsible for the role of Family Patriarch Ferdynand Kiepski), resulting in the need to draft many unexperienced replacements . To add insult to injury, Dariusz Gnatowski (playing the role of Boczek, a major side character in both the orginal TV series and the initial script) died halfway through filming, so they had to replace him with reused assets and shitty, RougeOneTarkin-esque CGI.
The inclusion of Wasij Mazur, infamous for playing the main character in a Russian Kiepskis Rip-off, was also met with criticism. Add to that abysmal humor, low turnout rates due to the Pandemic and the excitement regarding the still-recent Presidential Election, the movie faced a rocky start when it launched in December 2020.
It was soon showered by negative reviews from every direction, with some Polish Politicians even calling for it to be removed from Cinemas. It became a massive flop, barely making back 17% of its original budget (excluding the small but still present Advertising costs) and resulted in Netflix shelving the planned ,,Polish Alternate History Universe" started by ,,1983".
For those unaware, Świat Według Kiepskich (World according to the Bads, the term ,,Kiepski" litteraly means ,,bad" as in ,,bad, cheap shoes" or ,,lazy worker") is a Polish Classic - it was a comedy, but it helped raise awareness of real issues in Polish Society at the time, even though they were exaggerated. Domestic Violence, Joblessness, Jobs with no Upward growth, Alcoholism, Lack of family support for youths - all of them were tackles in some ways, according to the old Polish Maxim of ,,Przyjemne i użyteczne" (Useful and Entertaining, roughly).
And so, of course, Netflix had to ruin it.
The Plans for the movie already hit a roadblock early on - Many major actors were either dead (Bohdań Smoleń, the actor behind important side character Postman Ed) or unwilling to star in the Movie (most importantly Ryszard Kotys, who played Paździoch - the most important character outside of the actual Kiepski family, as well as Andrzej Grabowski - the famous actor responsible for the role of Family Patriarch Ferdynand Kiepski), resulting in the need to draft many unexperienced replacements . To add insult to injury, Dariusz Gnatowski (playing the role of Boczek, a major side character in both the orginal TV series and the initial script) died halfway through filming, so they had to replace him with reused assets and shitty, RougeOneTarkin-esque CGI.
The inclusion of Wasij Mazur, infamous for playing the main character in a Russian Kiepskis Rip-off, was also met with criticism. Add to that abysmal humor, low turnout rates due to the Pandemic and the excitement regarding the still-recent Presidential Election, the movie faced a rocky start when it launched in December 2020.
It was soon showered by negative reviews from every direction, with some Polish Politicians even calling for it to be removed from Cinemas. It became a massive flop, barely making back 17% of its original budget (excluding the small but still present Advertising costs) and resulted in Netflix shelving the planned ,,Polish Alternate History Universe" started by ,,1983".
yeah and I forgot to mention that following the release of the film, the blue meanies from the Remake became the source of mostly memes on the internet in the early 2010s
Foodfight (2004)
(basically What If?... Foodfight actually ended up released in its original pre theft/stolen hard drive animation)
Made by Threshold Studios and distrusted by MGM, Foodfight's basically Toy Story but with food icons and mascots and it follows Dex Dogtective (Matt Damon), a dog cereal mascot who's dealing with the disappearance of his lover Sunshine Goodness (Anne Hathaway) against the threat of Brand X and Lady X (Eva Longoria) and together him and his friend, Daredevil Dan (Wayne Brady) rally the other ikes to stop Brand X's threat together for good.
The film was released in 2004 where it received some mixed to negative reviews with some praise towards its squash and stretch animation and Christopher Lloyd's performance as the hammy and over the top Mr. Plotnik with most viewing him as the highlight of the film along with Corey Burton's performance as Lieutanant X. But mostly recieved criticism towards its rather somewhat dated animation and unintentionally uncanny valley for several of its characters and its nonsensical plot with the scene where the ikes sing the Oscar Meyer Weiner theme being often the source of ridicule as well as the copious and not so subtle amount of innuendoes and not helping matters it was released the same year as Shrek 2 and The Incredibles where it made Foodfight look dated by comparison. The movie had a rather mediocre box office performance.
(basically What If?... Foodfight actually ended up released in its original pre theft/stolen hard drive animation)
Made by Threshold Studios and distrusted by MGM, Foodfight's basically Toy Story but with food icons and mascots and it follows Dex Dogtective (Matt Damon), a dog cereal mascot who's dealing with the disappearance of his lover Sunshine Goodness (Anne Hathaway) against the threat of Brand X and Lady X (Eva Longoria) and together him and his friend, Daredevil Dan (Wayne Brady) rally the other ikes to stop Brand X's threat together for good.
The film was released in 2004 where it received some mixed to negative reviews with some praise towards its squash and stretch animation and Christopher Lloyd's performance as the hammy and over the top Mr. Plotnik with most viewing him as the highlight of the film along with Corey Burton's performance as Lieutanant X. But mostly recieved criticism towards its rather somewhat dated animation and unintentionally uncanny valley for several of its characters and its nonsensical plot with the scene where the ikes sing the Oscar Meyer Weiner theme being often the source of ridicule as well as the copious and not so subtle amount of innuendoes and not helping matters it was released the same year as Shrek 2 and The Incredibles where it made Foodfight look dated by comparison. The movie had a rather mediocre box office performance.
Still better than the final film we got in 2012 in OTL,
I should note though that Foodfight was originally suppose to be released around Christmas 2003 before the hard drives were stolen in late 2002. Also, along with the final film, Charlie Sheen and Hillary Duff were suppose to voice Dex Dogtective and Sunshine Goodness, respectively.
The Simpsons Take Orlan-D’oh (2024)
Initially conceived as yet another Disney+ Simpsons short, as was previously the case with The Ice Age Adventures of Buck Wild, Disney pushed for 20th Century Fox to extend it into a feature length film, making it the second movie in the Simpsons franchise. Production from there on out was nothing short of an unmitigated disaster - like Buck Wild, the film was given an extremely low budget, forcing the animators to resort to using cheap Flash animation and making it look worse than the show itself. Even worse, several voice actors from the show, including Kelsey Grammer and Harry Shearer, outright refused to attach their name to the project, leading to their characters being recast in the movie proper.
The supposed “plot” of the movie centers around the Simpson family winning a vacation to Orlando, which quickly devolves into chaos as they run into Sideshow Bob, who’s been hired by Ron DeSantis to run the district overseeing Walt Disney World; however, like most Disney-produced Simpsons media, this plot is just an excuse for them to shill their other franchises and products, including the likes of Marvel, Star Wars, and the Orlando Magic. The film’s humor is mostly the same as the modern seasons of the show, consisting of unfunny “meta humor”, tired political jokes with the subtlety of a 16-wheeler ramming into a brick wall, and references to other Disney IPs, which, again, mainly serve to promote those IPs, with the addition of jabs at attractions in Orlando, including a particularly tasteless """joke""" revolving around the Orlando FreeFall incident. All of these aforementioned flaws, however, pale in comparison to the ending, in which Sideshow Bob, under the influence of what the film literally calls “Disney magic”, changes his ways for good before getting arrested, essentially writing him off the show.
Upon release, the film was torn apart by critics, audiences, and Simpsons fans alike for its abysmal animation, poorly constructed plot, shameless promotion of other Disney IPs, dated nature (the film makes several jokes about the Don’t Say Gay bill years after it went into effect, and the now-closed Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser is referenced on multiple occasions), and its effects on the series as a whole. The hate towards the movie ended up getting so bad that it managed to surpass The Principal and the Pauper, Lisa Goes Gaga, and even the previous Simpsons Disney+ shorts as the most universally despised piece of Simpsons media; not helping was the revelation that Disney basically railroaded production of the film, forcing it to be one giant ad for the company. This, as well as all of the other elements mentioned, landed the film a dismal 9% on Rotten Tomatoes, and while Disney would attempt to save face by claiming the film to be non-canon, it did little to improve its reputation. Perhaps worst of all, though, was the film’s ramifications on the show itself - its already declining ratings tanked due to the stigma associated with the Simpsons IP, and several key cast members, including Al Jean, Dan Castellaneta, Harry Shearer, and Julie Kavner left the show for good, not wanting to damage their careers by associating with it, forcing Disney to cancel the show after 35 years.
Initially conceived as yet another Disney+ Simpsons short, as was previously the case with The Ice Age Adventures of Buck Wild, Disney pushed for 20th Century Fox to extend it into a feature length film, making it the second movie in the Simpsons franchise. Production from there on out was nothing short of an unmitigated disaster - like Buck Wild, the film was given an extremely low budget, forcing the animators to resort to using cheap Flash animation and making it look worse than the show itself. Even worse, several voice actors from the show, including Kelsey Grammer and Harry Shearer, outright refused to attach their name to the project, leading to their characters being recast in the movie proper.
The supposed “plot” of the movie centers around the Simpson family winning a vacation to Orlando, which quickly devolves into chaos as they run into Sideshow Bob, who’s been hired by Ron DeSantis to run the district overseeing Walt Disney World; however, like most Disney-produced Simpsons media, this plot is just an excuse for them to shill their other franchises and products, including the likes of Marvel, Star Wars, and the Orlando Magic. The film’s humor is mostly the same as the modern seasons of the show, consisting of unfunny “meta humor”, tired political jokes with the subtlety of a 16-wheeler ramming into a brick wall, and references to other Disney IPs, which, again, mainly serve to promote those IPs, with the addition of jabs at attractions in Orlando, including a particularly tasteless """joke""" revolving around the Orlando FreeFall incident. All of these aforementioned flaws, however, pale in comparison to the ending, in which Sideshow Bob, under the influence of what the film literally calls “Disney magic”, changes his ways for good before getting arrested, essentially writing him off the show.
Upon release, the film was torn apart by critics, audiences, and Simpsons fans alike for its abysmal animation, poorly constructed plot, shameless promotion of other Disney IPs, dated nature (the film makes several jokes about the Don’t Say Gay bill years after it went into effect, and the now-closed Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser is referenced on multiple occasions), and its effects on the series as a whole. The hate towards the movie ended up getting so bad that it managed to surpass The Principal and the Pauper, Lisa Goes Gaga, and even the previous Simpsons Disney+ shorts as the most universally despised piece of Simpsons media; not helping was the revelation that Disney basically railroaded production of the film, forcing it to be one giant ad for the company. This, as well as all of the other elements mentioned, landed the film a dismal 9% on Rotten Tomatoes, and while Disney would attempt to save face by claiming the film to be non-canon, it did little to improve its reputation. Perhaps worst of all, though, was the film’s ramifications on the show itself - its already declining ratings tanked due to the stigma associated with the Simpsons IP, and several key cast members, including Al Jean, Dan Castellaneta, Harry Shearer, and Julie Kavner left the show for good, not wanting to damage their careers by associating with it, forcing Disney to cancel the show after 35 years.
Jesus Harold Christ on rubber crutches, this would've been horrible.
Indeed, it would have been horrible. At the very least though, The Simpsons is finally getting put out of its misery after running for way too long.
yeah, i was actually inspired by a lot of these scenarios which end in complete disaster (the Family Guy and Annoying Orange movies come to mind). i was planning on having Disney selling off Fox as well, but i decided to keep things realistic-ish. at the very least, this is something i could see existing irl, even if it wouldn't be anywhere near as bad as it is in the post.
Now that's a stinkburger that would make Megamind 2 and Saving Bikini Bottom look like Into the Spider-Verse.